Being Mute

So lately I've been pretty much in pain from my shoulder, up... And apparently what I thought was pain from my TMJ problem is actually a lymph node / gland swelling problem...

So I've decided to keep my mouth shut to reduce the pain. I also had to stop my extremely loud car jamming sessions :( loud noises hurt too unfortunately.

This has been the hardest days of my life, because if you get to know me for 5 minutes you'll figure out that I love to talk.

But I've found something peaceful about being mute.

The rush of thoughts I used to have are starting to slow down... There's no voice to speak these thoughts, so why think them at all? All the complaints, the worries, the troubles running through my head are no longer there. It's just me, my surroundings, and quiet. And to be super honest, it's very nice and relaxing.

Another thing is this: People have to pay more attention to my body language and my facial expression to get my message... They have to get to know me better and figure out what I'm trying to communicate to them. I used to hate charades because I felt like it's just a game to make a fool out of yourself in, but now I think it's a game to get to know each other and learn to read each other. Like I learned in Speech class, body language is a huge part of communication. Words can be interpreted in many ways, but body language shows what's really going on. Actions speak louder than words.

I know I'm saying it's all peacefull and such right now, but I'll be honest... At first it was extremely frustrating, because I would want to speak to my friends. And even my coworker made a joke about me needing a TTY machine to communicate. Ironic, as I'm a Relay Associate and now I'm on the other side of things. It's made me really appreciate what I have, and it's given me more respect for those that use our service to live a normal life and communicate normally... And it brings even more frustration to those too ignorant to stop for a few extra minutes and give this person a chance to communicate with them.

Before I go into a long post about all the ignorance, I'm going to go back to my new, profound positive thoughts.

Another thing that's been helping me clear my mind and be at peace is cooking. Well, I don't know if it's cooking exactly... But I've been making healthy smoothies and treats and such, really just whatever healthy recipe I find on Instagram that's easy enough for me to make: Mini apple pies... Banana & peanut butter ice cream... Orange & Mango smoothie... Green smoothies... I actually got my family into a 30 day green smoothie challenge :)

Just standing there making something, and then watching everyone's reactions if they like it... It's really relaxing and peaceful and fun. There's nothing to worry about except the next task at hand: Coring an apple, juicing an orange, mixing the ingredients, serving the plate.

I've spent so much time being stressed that I never truly felt what being calm and at peace is. A quiet mind does wonders, and it's pretty funny that I suck at meditating. Maybe now being mute can help me a bit with that. And with mindfulness too. It's hard having a quiet mind when I'm in pain, but that's why things like cooking and piano and such come into play. It's a good distraction.

I think my next challenge is going to be meditation. I really want to get a hang of that, without a distraction.

Welllll, I'm going to go to sleep or study or something... Some more mute, quiet time :) Thanks for reading, and I love you all :)

- Kat